So today I was planning on doing a post about drinking culture differences between France and Britain, as I had kind of touched on in my last post. However, following an hour and a half conversation with my brother this morning, I decided to post something different. I don’t exactly know how this post is going to pan out but we’ll see.
Basically, I think a lot. Like, a lot. I sometimes think that I think too much, ironically.
But it’s true, I really do think about everything; I overthink things until they’re warped in my mind, I think about consequences of things, I think about consequences that haven’t occurred yet and how they could affect me. In some way, this is a good thing. I tend to think over my actions a lot before I make them, meaning that I tend to know what to expect, even if it’s narrow-minded. However, I do still sometimes say things and wonder why on earth I said them. And then I overthink about why I said that for a few days after…
Anyway, my point is that I think a lot, and not just about the small stuff. After my first year of university, for some reason, something clicked inside of me that led me to very deep thinking. I think about space and the universe a lot, and more often I think about humans and why we’re here and why we do the things we do, in a very deep and unexplainable way.
I’m not even going to pretend that I’m an expert or that I have my own ground-breaking theories on anything related to the science and biology of humans. There is so much knowledge and science out there it’s terrifying how little I truly know. But still, my mind wanders to these places, sometimes dark, sometimes hopeful, and I find myself just thinking for hours on end.
A good experience to share with you is from April this year. My brother and his friends came to visit me in France and while most of the time we just got drunk, one day (whilst in the process of getting drunk) we had an extremely deep conversation about everything and nothing at one time. We arrived at midday and decided to ‘have a couple’ and five hours later, our minds were trying to comprehend everything we’d just theorised and were trying to come back to reality.
The same thing sort of happened today. I texted my brother about random daily stuff and an hour and a half later, we both decided we should stop talking and be productive otherwise we’d be talking about our theories all day.
I’ve never really met anyone outside of my brother who completely gets everything that I’m saying when I talk about these things. He will say something completely abstract and I can recall the times I’ve thought the same things and share my agreement in his theories. The conversation today led on from a book that I’d recommended him from which I posted a quote, The Humans by Matt Haig. For about a week after I read this book, my mind was working overtime on the deep thinking, and it opened my mind up to things I’d never even considered. And now that’s happening to my brother, which is great – and it’s great he has someone to share his thoughts and ideas with which I wish I’d had.
Basically, the book is a funny and witty look at the human race from an outsider’s (an alien’s) point of view. It’s extremely clever and thought provoking and I’d recommend it to anyone who can relate to the things I talk about in the post.
Recently, I’ve been reading a lot of poems and short stories online from other ‘deep thinkers’ who think as deeply as I do. The best word to describe it is comforting. It’s easy for me to become lonely in my thoughts and get carried away with my theories. I would like to share my thoughts, but finding the right outlet is not easy and not many people really understand what I’m talking about. I either look stupid or like I’m trying to be intelligent – which I’m not. However, these stories and poems give me a small outlet, as I recognise that other people share this characteristic and are passionate enough to share their stories and poems.
Being a 20 year old is quite difficult when you want to be seen as an adult, but feel like others don’t really trust your opinion. When I’m in France, I feel independent and comfortable to be and act as an adult. However, in Scotland, I still feel like a child. I feel like no-one really cares about what my theories and thoughts are, and that they’re just theories of a confused young person. It sucks – as a 20 year old would say.
However, I’m getting to the point where I don’t need the acceptance of my family or friends, I know what goes on in my head and I know that it’s not normal for a young person’s mind to expand so far. I feel very lucky that my mind allows me to wander and that I’m intelligent enough to absorb the information and analyse it the way I do. I wish that I could express myself on a daily basis in the way I want to but I just don’t have the means right now. I hope with all my being that in the future I will find myself in a place where I will be challenged and my brain and intelligence will be used as it should.
As a last note, the last thing I want to sound is pretentious when I label myself as a ‘deep thinker’. I know how pretentious it sounds, hence why I’m a little nervous to even put this on the internet, basically announcing that I think I’m intelligent. Some people probably skipped through this, wondering why they’re even reading it. Some people don’t bother to read it, because why should they care about someone else’s life? But to me, it’s important to recognise a part of me and to express that, and not feel ashamed of expressing something about myself. One hope is that I can resonate with someone about anything that I put in my blog posts and so hopefully I’ve succeeded.
Here’s a link to a funny, but truthful, article about 21 things you need to know if you date a deep thinker.
I’m going to leave you and overthink things now.
This is part of a new series of mine. I will be talking about a subject from A-Z twice a week.
L: Leaving Aix