Today I want to REWWWWWINNNNNDDDDD (in a cheesy DJ voice). No but seriously, I want to take it back and have a look at my first ever post on this blog, which was posted 11 months ago.
Since I wrote that post, my life has changed dramatically, and funnily enough, is now returning to it’s normal state. A year of experiences and new friends and cultures was my life, and now I’m starting to feel like my old self again. I’ve moved everything back in to my parents home, which I’ll be moving out again on Monday to move to Glasgow with my best friend (eek!) for the start of my fourth year of university.
Coming back to Scotland has been TOUGH, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The best way to describe returning from an experience like a year abroad is a ‘comedown’, but quite similar to the comedown you get from drugs. Everything’s so new and exciting for a long time, and your whole life completely changes, and with the snap of your fingers, it’s finished.
I’ve already done a post on leaving my city, Aix, but today is more about nostalgia and how that all fits in.
Now that I’ve been with old friends for a couple of weeks and at home for some time, I’m starting to feel exactly like my old self again, literally like none of my year abroad happened, which is really sad. Obviously I know it happened – I have so many pictures for proof! – but this feeling is very hard to explain. My thoughts are now focused on getting back to university, which will also be a weird experience, and now trying to organise my things for my new flat. I haven’t even had much time to think about the past year and part of me feels like it’s a distant dream, not something that only ended two weeks ago.
Anyway, I have just finished reading that blog post for the first time since I wrote it, and it makes me very emotional. I remember how I felt when I wrote that post so clearly. Although it seems optimistic, and of course I was to a certain extent, a large part of why I wrote it in the first place was to convince myself everything would be ok.
It’s easy at the start of your year abroad to speak to your friends and family at home, and also be caught up in the whirlwind of the first month of meeting everyone and starting and everything. However, there is this deeply instilled fear that things aren’t going to be okay and that it’s going to be a disaster. And that’s hard to deal with. Blogging gave me the means to express myself which in turn helped me to cope with the hard situations I was faced with.
I’m sure everyone I met on my year abroad would look at my situation during the year abroad and tell me I had it so good but I didn’t. I dealt with some pretty awful situations during it, but I tried not to focus on them and move on. And, in any case, the good experiences outweigh the bad ones by far!
It’s easy for me to say all this now though, having finished my year abroad. Nothing could have helped me when I was writing that post. Every year abroader just needs to get through the first fears and make the most of their experience which, fortunately enough, I can say about my experience.
Sadly, the year abroad is behind me but I’m trying to look forward on to the great prospects I have ahead of me. It’s all starting on Tuesday when me and Eilidh move in to our beautiful new flat! Yay! I can’t wait to show you all what I get up to in Glasgow this year…
This is part of a new series of mine. I will be talking about a subject from A-Z twice a week.
L: Leaving Aix