I haven’t written a blog post in a couple of weeks, mainly because there’s been nothing to write about. I’ve kind of been hiding away from life, and instead battling through university work and killing my gym workouts. I’ve not seen much of friends in the past month and have generally been avoiding human contact and focusing on myself for a little while. This blog post is specifically for future me just to see how I’m doing at this time in my life and what’s been going on.
Something happened in December that’s kind of fucked me up a little bit, and I feel like it’s having an affect on me that I don’t like. This has never really happened to me, and I’m struggling to deal with it. I also don’t feel like I have anyone around me who can understand what it is, and every time I’ve tried to discuss it, it’s been shrugged off by me and the other person and therefore it’s boiling up inside of me. I think about it a lot and I don’t know why and I hope it goes away soon.
I’ve also recently lost a bit of weight and I’m feeling great in my skin! It’s been almost four weeks that I’ve been pretty strict (apart from this weekend which has three nights out and pizza!) and I’m enjoying how strong and great I feel in clothes now. My hair’s growing again and my skin feels generally much better. I feel like I’ve had that ‘switch’ and I’m going to actually lose the unnecessary weight I have which is a great feeling. Two pictures came up on my Timehop recently; one from two years ago and one from three years ago. This time three years ago I was my skinniest, and this time two years ago I was my biggest, and now that I’ve found that balance, but still keeping an active lifestyle, I’m feeling pretty great about myself 🙂
I went out last night for the first time in four weeks (!) and had such an incredible time. After quite a strict four weeks, I enjoyed letting loose and doing what I wanted for a day without any consequences. Of course, I’ll be back on eating healthy and the gym from tomorrow, but everyone needs a little break sometimes, and it was worth it! I also felt hot AF in my outfits for this weekend so that’s an added bonus!
Generally I’m very happy. I was discussing how I’m feeling with my mum the other day and it got me thinking. For so long, I felt lost. I’ve spoken about my exact feelings on this topic on this blog several times, and I remember feeling lost so well. Recently, I feel like I’m actually doing something fulfilling, and things that will lead on to better things. I’ve found this groove in my work and extracurricular stuff and I’m just enjoying powering through work and feeling accomplished at the end of the week. I’m looking forward to the future instead of being scared about it, and I can see so many amazing opportunities on the horizon – exciting times!
I’ve started doing Italian again the past couple of weeks (as one of my New Years Resolutions) and found it much easier to stick to this time. It’s becoming less of a chore and more just me becoming really interested and taken over by the language. I’m enjoying it soooo much and hoping that I can stick to it over the next few months so that by the end of the year I’ll be a B1/B2ish level!
I’m hoping to spend this summer abroad and had an opportunity in Barcelona – but then found out it wasn’t paid. That killed me a little bit, because the opportunity seemed INCREDIBLE. I’m praying that I’ll find something out of Scotland since I can’t bear this weather any longer but we’ll see.
Progress on the dissertation has officially BEGUN! Scary and exciting! The more I’m doing for it, the more I’m realising that I’m so lucky with the topic I have as it’s only 6000 words and it’s a topic that I have so much scope and interest for, it’s (hopefully) going to be a doddle. I reckon I could bash it out in a week if I wanted to, to be honest. However, I’m going to do several hours work on it a week until summer, to get most of it out the way before next the next manic academic year (my final year – ahh!) so I won’t be stressing too hard.
I wonder how I’ll be doing on this day next year – and I’ve just made a pact with myself that I’m going to write a blog post on this date next year. February is an interesting month as the new year is in full swing, motivation’s still very high for me and classes are starting to come to an end with the summer almost in view with just essays and exams in the way. It’s a very reflective period for me and I’m excited to see where I’ll be at mentally in my final year at uni.
À bientôt alors!