On 1st May 2016, I decided to write a blog post on the first day of each month (at least throughout the summer) to kind of pinpoint this period of my life, which I’m spending living in the city of Bordeaux. The only condition to this series is that I must read my previous post before I write the new one.

1 May: Blind, Unknowing, Zealous Jenny


Salut!

Firstly, I can’t believe I’ve been in France for almost a month already. My post for May was the day before I was flying to France and had no idea what to expect.

It’s so incredibly strange reading that post again, a month later, completely settled in my new home and city. I didn’t even know I’d be staying in Bordeaux a month ago, and was still considering going to Paris to live. Crazy.

I talked about what I’d like to have done in Aix, and I certainly fulfilled my missions whilst in Aix; I caught up with everyone, drank wine, ate Jacob’s bread and chilled out in Parc Jourdan. Safe to say that’s a success.

It’s very refreshing (and something I definitely needed) to see my two main goals for the summer, and have them put at the forefront of my mind again. I’ve been struggling with dealing with productivity a lot lately and re-reading my goals has helped clarify them in my head.

I also talk about the 8th of May, saying that it would be that day that I will need to decide what to do. Looking back on it now, a few weeks later, the 8th of May was a scary day. I remember my friends leaving me to drive back to Aix after spending a few days with them, and instantly feeling terrified. I was trying so hard not to cry and to not let the fear of the unknown completely consume me. I’m glad that day’s over, but I’m also glad it happened, because it pushed me to face my fears and get out there as much as possible, and I’m proud of myself for that.


So, where am I today?

Well I’m pretty damn happy, in general. This month, as expected, has had it’s ups and it’s downs. Luckily, however, there has been a lot less downs that I’d anticipated and for that I thank my extremely low expectations – ha. I’ve talked about getting myself past my fears in a previous post this month, so, even though it’s been a huge part of this month, I won’t ramble much more about that.

Despite the fact that I have a great apartment, a great job with great colleagues, and a solid number of friends and events to do all the time, I’m still expecting more from myself, and that’s something that I’m struggling with a lot, especially this past week.

One half of me realises how much I’ve achieved in such a short amount of time and that I have time to accomplish everything I want to do. However, the other half of me is telling me I should be more productive and I should start my dissertation and start working out again etc.

Because I work in a bar, now completely full-time, hours aren’t great and I won’t get home until 1am at least, but mostly 3am as I either stay for drinks or go out with friends on my nights off. My body then cannot wake up before 12pm and, especially if I’m working that night, I like to rest a little longer in bed.

Every single day for the past week I’ve felt guilty for this. Again, I’m in two halves about it because whilst I know I need to rest before work, I want to be more productive and I always wish I’d woken up earlier to fit more French revision/dissertation work in. I feel like I’m constantly in battle with myself at the moment and that needs to stop.

One thing I’m very proud of myself for keeping up is learning 25 new words every week. I’ve learnt 100 new French words this month, and, although I’ve not done as much as I’d planned, I’ve squeezed in a couple of French books and some grammar too. By the end of the summer, I’ll have 400 new French words in my head, crazy!

June’s going to be pretty hectic. The Euros are in France, which means I’ll be working my 39 hours a week, minimum. Chances are I’ll be doing overtime on top of that. That’s good for the money situation, but not too great for making progress on my dissertation or with my French grammar. However, it’s balance. One month of craziness out of four is nothing.

Here’s my goals for June, on top of my two main goals for the whole summer mentioned in my last post:

  1. Remind myself to chill out. I have time to do everything I need.
  2. Continue to remind myself that this is my break from university, not another semester. I’m in France to have fun as well as study.
  3. Continue to be awesome. Because I’m awesome.

All in all, reflecting on May is very positive and I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. I’ve made some great friendships and I’m having fun. That’s what’s truly important to me.

À bientôt!


Faves from May:

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